Spring!

We have had a beautiful spring! We were able to go camping the beginning of this month with the homeschool group I'm a part of. This has started to become a twice a year thing and the kids love it! It's so fun when the kids start to remember things you do as a family. The anticipation builds as they look forward to whatever it is, camping in this case. It is so wonderful to get away from all the busyness and noise and enjoy God's beautiful creation. 

 Landon's favorite thing was helping build and tend to this fire. He's really growing up and it's so fun to see him mature and grow.

 These two just bummed around. James loves to have his "bear-bear" wherever he goes. It's so fun to see how he treats him like his baby. Tonight I was reading to him a look and find Thomas the train book and he was grabbing "bear bear's" hand and having him find the items with a squeaky voice (talking for bear bear). He's at such a fun stage, he loves puzzles, Thomas and our marble works set. 

Olivia buddied up with sweet Samuel. They had a great time playing together and I found them holding hands quite a few times :)

 I just liked this picture of our "cool" boy :)

 We've been trying to spend a lot of time outside. The homeschool philosophy that I've adopted is the Charlotte Mason method. A part of her philosophy is spending a lot of time outdoors, taking time to notice God's creation. We do nature study which at this point involves drawing pictures of whatever they find that is interesting and writing a few words about it. The last few days have been so much fun - lots of caterpillars, slugs, worms, birds, and watching our garden grow. I didn't realize how much fun our small backyard could be...

 It's these four that make it so much fun. I love to see the world through their eyes. I love to see their excitement over the many things I take for granted. It makes me slow down and watch that caterpillar and be amazed at the Lord's handiwork. 

 We've had a lot of rain over the last few weeks. Last week I decided to take them to the park and let them splash around in the puddles. They had a blast!

Olivia with her little "Sheila" dog. "Bumpa" (my dad) gave her this puppy when she was 18 months and she loves her. I just loved this picture because I don't know how much longer this phase will last, but I am thoroughly enjoying it right now. She says the funniest things as she is trying to figure out the world around her. 

We had a great Mother's Day together as a family. I am so thankful for our sweet mothers that the Lord has blessed us with. I know it is such a rare thing to have amazing moms like we do. They have both been such an example of selflessness, always putting others first. Their love for the Lord is evident from their lives. I am so blessed and thankful for them.

I always like to go out to the cemetery on Mother's Day. It's the closest I can be to having my five kiddos together. I remember my first Mother's Day. My arms were empty. I didn't feel like a mother, even though my heart was so full of love for my sweet firstborn. I longed to hold him and love on him. I remember singing, "Jesus Loves Me" at church and the phrase, "Let the little child come in" catching me totally off guard. I couldn't sing that phrase, it was too hard. A beautiful reminder that my little Samuel was able to go into Heaven's gates to meet his Savior. I felt so torn, so happy for him and yet aching to be with him.

Anyway, I still ache for him. For my little 8 year old. But I am so thankful. My arms are full, I never would have imagined to be where I am at today with these sweet four children that I have with me today. I know all too well, they are not mine and tomorrow is not guaranteed, so we treasure the time we have and look forward to eternity with our Savior. All things will be perfect there with our perfect Savior and our perfect home and our sweet Samuel. Cannot wait.

May Happenings

I had a wonderful Mother's Day. Seth and I are so thankful to have two amazing mother's. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful example of love and self-sacrifice. So thankful that they taught us about the Lord Jesus and lived out a genuine relationship with Him for us to see.

. 

2 Timothy 1:5 "I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also."

For my Mother's Day, we had a nice picnic at the park. After some fun on the swings and slides, we headed for Cherry Berry - I love that place! Then, we took a trip out to the cemetery to visit Samuel. I really wish I could have all my kids together, so, for now, this is the closest thing. It was sweet that the kids picked out the smiley face balloons :)

Olivia was heaping dirt and grass on James... He didn't seem to mind!

Here we are watching the balloons fly away.

James is now eight months old! This month: He got his first tooth! He is also getting around really well. He loves to tip the trash can over, pulls up on everything, and said, "dada" and "ball." He is sleeping really well - 10-12 hours most nights! He's such a happy baby and loves to smile and wave at everyone he sees. He started clapping when we sing to him - he just loves music. He really likes to sit on my lap while I play the piano, it melts my heart. He brings us so much joy!

Here are the other two that bring me so much joy :) We're so excited that it's warm enough for slash pads! They are both growing up so much. Olivia's still really into anything princess and pink. She loves to wear dresses and always carries a purse. She also still loves her "bear bear." She's been treating her bear like her baby. Cheering her bear on when she stands up, trying to feed her bananas, and buckling her in next to herself. James loves his bear too and immediately snuggles and chews on it when I lay him down.

Landon is so much fun. He loves to create art projects that he imagines. I love seeing what he comes up with! We've been trying to spend a little more one-on-one time with each of the kids, he really likes to go on dates with me :) such sweet memories. He loves to dress up like super heroes and always talks about being just like daddy when he grows up.

I'm so thankful for this family the Lord has so graciously blessed me with!

James is 6 months

James is now six months old. This month he has changed sooo much! I can't leave the room if he's on the floor because he rolls around and shimmies his way to where he wants to go. He is such a sweet boy, smiling all the time and very tolerant for his surroundings (being squeezed, kissed, patted almost continually by his brother and sister). He is just so laid back, I'm not sure if it's by nature or by necessity... I think both because in the hospital he was already so calm, we didn't understand how it was possible he was ours!

Here he has on his, "Samuel's baby brother" onesie that my friend, Brooke, made for Landon, I love that he can wear it too. I wish our little Samuel was here to love on him. I wish James could know his biggest brother. Although I know that the Lord has a plan and even though my heart aches to have our entire family together, I'm reminded that this world is not our home. One day, all things will be made new and the longing of our hearts will be fulfilled, to be with our Savior forever and leave all heartache behind. I can't wait to meet our little Samuel one day. 

Here is James's reaction to his first taste of food (avocado). He didn't look like he liked it based on his facial expressions, but he kept eating it. He really likes bananas and the other day, his cousin Layla (6) fed him an entire jar and the start of a second of banana-strawberry-apple baby food. Landon and Olivia never really liked baby food, but with James anytime we're eating, he gets mad if I don't feed him something. Just as I thought I was starting to figure out this three kid thing, it's changing (who am I kidding, I haven't figured anything out!). He's eating real food and the mobile stage is pretty much here - he's only going to get better at crawling and getting into things. The house is already a disaster most of the time. How am I going to keep this boy away from Landon's legos and small paper crafts, and Olivia's little pink trinkets she takes to every room she's in??

I'm praying for protection for this sweet boy and strength for me. I'm thankful that in our weaknesses, the Lord is proved strong. I'm continually asking the Lord to remind me to keep my eyes fixed on Him and the purpose He has for me, which is not to have a perfectly clean house all the time. His purpose for me is to raise these children in His ways and to model a close relationship with Him. To snuggle them and show them I love them, and that they are more important than a clean house. Not to neglect my house and training these kiddos to help take care of it, but to realize the MOST important things and not get caught up in the temporary. I'm realizing more and more how fleeting the moments are with these sweet ones and I truly want to enjoy them even through the difficult times.

Life is crazy right now (hence the lack of posts)... But it is wonderful and I feel so blessed to have the job of raising these sweet kiddos.

James' 1st Bear

We have a tradition, that each of our kids get a bear from Samuel on their first Christmas. Since this will be James' first Christmas, I took the kids to Build-A-Bear to pick one out for him. They chose this white bear, which I'm sure won't stay white, but that's beside the point. It was better than the red, white, and blue star one that Landon was considering :)

Giving the heart a kiss...

Putting the heart in. They actually let us put three in, one from Samuel, Landon, and Olivia

Stuffing the bear, they loved this part! Olivia was just in awe of everything at this store.

Giving the bear, which the kids named "Snowball" a bath

They picked out a Thunder outfit for Snowball, which I had a hard time buying, but since I had a good coupon and a gift card and the fact that this is probably James' only Christmas gift and it's from Samuel, I went ahead and bought it :)

 I think James will be excited about his special bear. Olivia takes her first Christmas bear which she calls, "bear bear" everywhere and Landon snuggles with his at night. It's hard to find ways to include Samuel during these special times, but I'm thankful for this little way that the kids have something from their big brother.

Samuel's 6th Birthday

We had a nice weekend remembering our sweet Samuel. Landon and I made cupcakes on Saturday. Landon picked out confetti cake mix and frosting with sprinkles. He loved helping make these and "helping" me by licking the beater clean :)

My sweet friend gave me a gift at church that morning and Landon asked if we could open it. I told him we would wait until we went to visit Samuel. Then, Landon said, "Are we going to heaven??" I said, "No, we're just going to where Samuel's body is buried." These things are so hard for a four year old to understand. It was heartbreaking to see how excited he was to meet his brother. One day...

When we opened the present, this is what we found... Little figurines of our whole family! It is so sweet to see what our family really looks like. From the left: Olivia wearing a tutu (she was thrilled with this!), Samuel holding 6 balloons, Daddy, Mommy wearing my Samuel necklace, Landon because blue's his favorite color, and James because the James on Thomas is red ;) Landon and Olivia kept insisting that James lay down since he can't walk yet :)

Then, we went to Steak N' Shake, our family tradition.  It was a sweet time.

After supper, we came home and sang happy birthday to Samuel and had cupcakes.

There's a helium shortage, so we weren't able to let balloons off on Samuel's birthday, but we did the next day. It was so windy....

 ...and I'm sad to say that the balloons got stuck in our neighbor's tree. This really upset me at first and I couldn't pin point why. I guess I just wanted everything to go perfectly for his birthday. When I thought about this later, I realized that life doesn't go perfectly with our other kiddos, and he is just as much our kid as they are, it's not practical to expect things to be perfect and that's ok.

The pregnancy loss support group I help out with had a balloon release the night after his birthday as well, so I got to send a balloon up then too.

We miss our sweet firstborn so much and celebrate his being in heaven the only way we know how. Can't wait to join him one day on those streets of gold, but until that day, His mercies are new every morning - great is His faithfulness.

Six Years

It's hard to believe that Samuel would be six tomorrow... I was laying here trying to picture what he would be like, how our family dynamic would be different if he were here. Would he have a strong personality like Landon, or would he have been more calm and have been taught Landon how to share and be kind? How would Landon, Olivia, and James be different if he were here? Would he have been into sports or legos? What it all boils down to is, I just want to know him. As his mother, I want to know everything about him. And yet, it is all just blank. I try to picture him as a six year old... I so want to know if he would have had brown hair and brown eyes like his daddy or would he have had blue eyes like his siblings and I? So many things... but it is all blank.

I realize he wasn't meant to be six here on earth. The Lord knew when he would be born, and knew he would leave this earth just one minute later. The Lord fashioned him and perfectly formed his beautiful face, each finger and toe. It is not blank to Him. He had a purpose for our little guy. Our little Samuel was created to worship the Lord.

I cannot help but cry every time I read the story of Hannah in the Bible. How she wanted a child, so much that if the Lord granted her request, she was willing to give him back to the Lord. It's one thing to say that you would give your child to the Lord and another thing to do it. Hannah did not go back on her word, but as hard as it was, she made the journey to the temple and gave her Samuel to serve the Lord. "'I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.' And he worshiped the Lord there." (1 Samuel 1:27,28)

I remember the Lord reminding me of Hannah as I lay in the hospital bed the night before my c-section. I knew that our baby boy belonged to the Lord and whatever happened he was not mine, he was the Lord's. I remember wrestling in prayer with the Lord, begging Him to let our boy live. I remember my loving Lord giving me peace that He was in control and I committed our sweet Samuel to Him.

How tiny, how precious our boy's delicate body. It was so precious to feel his heartbeat, and yet heart wrenching since no breath ever came. Still the Lord was in control.

I was thankful for a sweet friend who shared this poem from a blog recently. The challenge that went with it was to change our prayers for our children. Not to pray for safety and protection, but that our children would have a passion for the Lord. Period. No matter what path gets them there. I would not have chosen this path, but I am thankful for how the Lord has used our sweet Samuel's life in so many ways and that right at this very minute he is with our Lord and worshiping Him there.

Had I been Joseph's mother 
I'd have prayed 
protection from his brothers 
"God, keep him safe. 
He is so young, 
so different from 
the others." 
Mercifully, 
she never knew 
there would be slavery 
and prison, too. 

Had I been Moses' mother 
I'd have wept to keep my little son: 
praying she might forget 
the babe drawn from the water 
of the Nile. 
Had I not kept 
him for her 
nursing him the while, 
was he not mine? 
--and she 
but Pharaoh's daughter? 

Had I been Daniel's mother 
I should have pled 
"Give victory! 
--this Babylonian horde 
godless and cruel-- 
Don't let him be a captive 
--better dead, 
Almighty Lord!" 

Had I been Mary, 
Oh, had I been she, 
I would have cried 
as never a mother cried, 
"Anything, O God, 
Anything 
--but 
crucified." 

With such prayers importunate 
my finite wisdom would assail 
Infinite Wisdom 
God, how fortunate 
Infinite Wisdom 
should prevail.

Samuel's 5th Birthday

We "celebrated" Samuel's birthday today, the fifth time we've done so without him. Even though it is so hard to not have him here, and the memories of those few days are still as vivid as the days themselves were... the Lord is so good through it all.

On Wednesday, my sweet friend, Anne, brought us a cake for Samuel's birthday. It was such a thoughtful gift that meant so much to us all... That cake was amazing by the way! I'm sure Samuel would have loved it with all the Oreo goodness crumbled over everything, I know we all did :)

Today, was a bitter-sweet day. The day, five years ago, when we held our sweet son while his little life slipped away. I never would have thought that there would be any "sweet" in this day, but there was...

Over lunch we sang happy birthday to Samuel and opened the present we had got "for Samuel." Landon really wanted to get him a James train. There are two reasons for this, because James is the #5 train and Samuel is turning 5; and Samuel's middle name is James. So, we picked one up the other day at Landon's favorite toy store and had it wrapped for today. It was bitter-sweet watching Landon open it and see his excitement over "Samuel's" toy.


My other dear friend, Brooke, offered to watch the kids for a little while today. One thing I had really been wanting to do was to write a song for Samuel. Our piano is not in working order, so I knew this probably wouldn't be possible. So, when Brooke offered, I took her up on it, and I went to our church to play. Music is therapy for me and it was so healing to play the piano that I have rarely played over the last couple of years. The Lord had been laying a few verses on my heart from 1 Thes. 4 and 5 and He gave me words from those verses to help me write a song. I never would have imagined to do this in the couple hours that I had, but the Lord loves to give us good gifts and that's what this was, directly from Him. He is so good. I love Him.

After this, I picked up the kids and Brooke gave me a package. I opened it later to find an incredible gift that I can't express how much meant to our family. She had written a children's book called, "Samuel Takes a Trip." It is about Samuel going to heaven from his perspective and it even has a page at the end explaining the gospel for anyone that wants to go to heaven, to be where Samuel is. Words just can't express how much this meant to us...


We picked up 6 balloons (5 to release and 1 for Landon) and then headed to the cemetery. We found five more balloons waiting there :) what a sweet surprise. Landon was happy to help release both sets. We brought the book and James. It was a bitter-sweet time. Remembering the cold day that we laid our sweet son to rest here five years ago, how could it be five years ago? Today wasn't cold though, it was perfect and the sun was setting, coloring the sky with all sorts of beautiful colors. We visited Samuel's aunt Beverly's resting place as well and wondered what they were both doing in heaven right now...


We left the cemetery and went to Steak N' Shake, our tradition that officially started last year :) It was really nice apart from Olivia being at a very difficult stage as far as not wanting to stay in one place. I saw a little boy who looked about 5 in the booth right across from us. He had brown hair and brown eyes and looked very similar to how I've always pictured Samuel. Another bitter-sweet moment.

That was that, another October 14th that has come and gone. To most, just an ordinary day, but to us it will never be just any day.

I wish, but I know...

I wish I could celebrate five years on earth with you today
I wish I could buy you your favorite toy
I wish I could watch you blow out your candles
I wish I could hug you and tell you, happy birthday, my sweet Samuel

But I know you don’t wish any of these things, because where you are, is so much better than here. There are no tears, there’s no death, and no pain where you are. There is only rejoicing and sweet fellowship with our Lord.

I wish I could know if your eyes were blue or brown
I wish I could have known if you would be shy or loud
I wish I could have taught you how to ride a bicycle
I wish daddy could have taught you how to shoot a basketball

But I know you don’t wish any of these things, because where you are, is so much better than here. Beautiful streets of gold, no need of light as the glory of God gives heaven its light and the Lamb of God is heaven’s lamp.

I wish you could know your brother and sister
I wish our family could all be together
I wish that this pain would all go away
I wish I could see you again one day

And I know that you know, one day these things will come to be, because we will all be where you already are. We will see our Lord face to face and the place He’s prepared. I can’t wait for that day. The day we will all be home where you already are.

Happy 5th Birthday Samuel!

Love, Mom

God's Sovereignty

I am studying Acts this year in my BSF class and it has been powerful. Last week we studied Stephen and there are a few things that have really struck me and I needed to process. Since I am a verbal processor, I am going to try to process this here :)

Stephen was a truly remarkable man, filled with the Holy Spirit and with wisdom. Chosen by God and the apostles to ensure the care of widows along with other necessary tasks.

He delivered an amazing message, before the Sanhedrin, from the time of God's promise to Abraham to God's deliverance of the children of Israel and to the rejection of Christ by the very men he was speaking to.

Then, this remarkable man, was stoned to death by men who falsely accused him. Stephen, even at the end was asking the Lord not to hold this sin against these men.

It seems that a man like this could be used greatly for several years beyond this to spread God's word and reach many people for Christ.

But he wasn't... He was killed. Yet, God is sovereign.

God knew that Stephen's testimony would leave an incredible impact on those who stoned him, on the believers (at that time and even now!), and on Saul (later to become Paul).

This passage brings me comfort as I remember and miss our sweet Samuel. Sometimes I wonder what his little life would have been like. What kind of man would he have become? What kind of impact who he have had on people? As I process this story of Stephen, it is a powerful reminder that God is sovereign and He can even use the most horrible events for His glory and to bring others to Christ.

One last thing I noticed through the horror of Stephen's death, was that God is gracious. God revealed Himself to Stephen before he died. As the stones were striking and bruising his flesh, he saw the glory of the Lord - "I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God!" (Acts 7:55) What a sight and a help to Stephen to endure the pain, gazing at the one whom he was suffering for.

Let us live out Hebrews 12:2 in our own lives:
"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God"

Daniel

Today, I found out some very sad news. This sweet crazy boy in the front of this picture, Daniel, passed into eternity on Saturday. He was one who had been coming to the Joshua Club (an outreach that we are involved in) from the time it started which is a little over two years. He heard the gospel several times and I remember a couple times when the gospel was being presented that he said, "I believe!" He had also said things that seemed like he was confused, hearing so many different things from other people. I pray that he is with our Lord now and that he didn't put off the decision to believe on the Lord Jesus. His parents called and said that Joshua Club meant a lot to him and asked a couple of the guys involved if they would be willing to share at the memorial service. Pray that the gospel would be clearly presented and that this will really be an opportunity to share the Lord with his family and the other kids that come to Joshua Club.



This is such a reminder that we don't know when will be the last time to share with a loved one the gospel of the Lord Jesus. May this be a reminder to all of us that our time is short and to take every opportunity that the Lord gives us to share his love and the free gift He offers to all - the gift of Himself, forgiveness of sins through His death on the cross, and eternal life with Him.

Mother's Day

I think Mother's Day will always be one of conflicted emotions for me. I celebrate both of my mothers. I am thankful that Seth and I both have such amazing mothers that have poured their love into us and sacrificed so much in the process of raising us, who continue to pour their love into us (I pray I can be a mother like this!). I celebrate the fact that I have two amazing children that bring me so much joy and fill me with a love that I can't explain.

...but no matter how much I celebrate these undeserved blessings, I also grieve. I grieve the one who first made me a mother, our little Samuel. How I wish he could be here to give me a card with his attempt at writing, "mom" with a little four year old's handwriting. How I wish I could hear his voice tell me, "I love you, mommy!" and oh how I wish I could feel his arms around me - the tight squeeze I know he would give me. How I wish he were here.

It's hard being a mother to a baby in heaven. It's hard to find a way to celebrate the fact that I am a mother to a baby that I only got to hold for a few hours. I wanted to be with ALL of my children on Mother's Day. So we did the closest thing we could, we visited the cemetery. We did this last year, and I think this is something I want to do every year on this day. We stood there staring at the sweet tomb stone, starting to fade on the edges, a reminder of the time that has passed without our little boy. Then, I once again noticed the engraving of Jesus holding a baby. A reminder I need every time I am here - he is with Jesus...

There were four other families there, in the "Angel Garden" while we were there. Some with children and some without. I grieved for each one. I grieved for the ones who weren't recognized as mothers on this day - who came here to be reminded of the fact that they are. I grieved for the ones who had children with them trying to maintain the memory of the short life lost and hoping that their children would not forget the brother or sister that was gone. I grieved for the ones that I know personally that were missing the children that they have lost.

Yes, Mother's Day will always be one of conflicted emotions, until the day that I see my Savior face to face. My Savior, who promises to wipe away every tear and who will lead me to the place of everlasting peace. The place where my Samuel lives. The place where there will be no more pain.

Samuel's Birthday Recap...

It's been a little over a month, but I meant to recap Samuel's birthday. So, here it is a month later...

We had a really nice day as a family celebrating Samuel's birthday. We went to the cemetery and found 4 balloons at Samuel's marker. That was a sweet surprise. Then, we went out to eat at Steak n' Shake and talked about what life might have looked like if Samuel were here. Landon had helped me make a cake, so later that night we sang "Happy Birthday" to Samuel.

I have thought of making a cake in the past, but never felt up to it. I just never felt like celebrating. This year, I decided to make one and that we would do a little party. It was really nice. I think it was good for Landon to start to understand who his big brother is and show him that he will always be a part of our family.

A couple days after Samuel's birthday, I helped with a ceremony called, "A Walk to Remember." It is basically a time for people to get together and remember the babies that they have lost. It was the most beautiful day, and we had such a sweet time remembering our little Samuel.

I made a little movie of Samuel's birthday this year and the clips and pictures at the end are a part of that ceremony...

Safe in the Arms of Jesus

Today, I found out my sister had her second little baby go home to be with Jesus. It is hard to understand why these things happen. I was praying for a miracle. I know that the Lord has made blind men see, the mute speak, lame men walk, and brought people back from the dead. He is able, and yet he didn't. That is hard to understand. Yet, I know his love for His own is great and nothing happens outside of his control. I know that in His sovereignty He is able to turn a horrible situation into something beautiful.

But, I know her arms still ache for what would be her seven month old baby today. I know how cautiously hopeful she was when she found out she was pregnant again. I know how she wishes she could have seen that little heartbeat today and looked forward to feeling this baby move. I know she knows that her baby is with Jesus. I know she has hope to meet her two little ones one day... but her arms are still empty.

This world can be so hard. I am so thankful that it is not our home. That one day, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

(Rev. 21:4).

A passage that someone encouraged me with when we lost Samuel and one I often think of when these little ones go home to be with the Lord is Isaiah 40:11

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."

My sister, Rebekah, is a mother, she has young ones, they are just in the Lord Jesus' care. He will lead her through this trial as He cares for her young. He is a great Shepherd and loves His own.

Fanny Crosby also lost a baby, which may have inspired her to write the following hymn:

Safe in the Arms of Jesus

Safe in the arms of Jesus,
Safe on His gentle breast,
There by His love o'ershaded,
Sweetly my soul doth rest.
Hark! 'tis a song of heaven
Borne in the sweetest voice,
Echoed by saints in spirit,
Making my heart rejoice.

Safe in the arms of Jesus,
Safe on His gentle breast,
There by His love o'ershaded,
Sweetly my soul doth rest.

Safe in the arms of Jesus,
Safe from corroding care,
Safe from the world's temptations,
Sin cannot harm me there.
Free from the blight of sorrow,
Free from my doubts and fears;
Only a few more trials,
Only a few more tears.

Jesus, my heart's dear Refuge,
Jesus has died for me;
Firm on the Rock of Ages
Ever my trust shall be.
Here let me wait with patience,
Wait till the night is o'er,
Wait till I see the morning
Break on the golden shore.

Sammy Bear

We decided to spend our Memorial Day weekend in Eureka Springs. We found out that there is a real train that you can ride on, so we've been telling Landon about that. When we were getting all packed up last night,
Landon said, "Bring Sammy bear on the train?" (Sammy bear is the bear we got a while back to remember our sweet Samuel, thanks Brooke and Robin!).
Seth and I looked at each other and smiled. We said, "Sure, we can bring Sammy bear on the train."
Landon replied, "Make Landon happy!" He smiled his cheesy smiled and gave Sammy bear a huge hug.

Even though we don't have our Samuel here on vacation, it's sweet to have this little bear to remember the part he has in our family.

Our Great Hope

Romans 5:3-5
And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

John 16:33
These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.

These passages were shared last night at prayer meeting. I was really encouraged by them. Those who know the Lord Jesus have such a great hope. This world is not our home and the Lord will bring us through. Often through pain and trouble since this world is full of sin. But the Lord can use the pain and suffering for His glory.

I heard a really neat example comparing our life here on earth with that of heaven. Someone compared our life here to the inside of a sweater, often times it looks all jumbled and messy to us. Although, when we get to heaven we will see the other side of the sweater - the beautiful design God was working in our lives all along.

I am so looking forward to heaven where the Lord will wipe away every tear and there will be no more pain. No more sin, no more sadness. The Lord will fill heaven with His beauty and perfection.

Revelation 21:4
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Daisy Lou

Please keep my dear friends, Jenica, Andy, and their families in your prayers. After many weeks of prayers and tears, Daisy entered this world at just 22 weeks. She was just 14 ounces, tiny, but perfect. Little Daisy is now at home in our Savior's arms. These things are so hard to understand. The days ahead will be very difficult. I pray the Lord will bring them comfort, strength, and peace as they walk through this valley.

Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Jesus Loves Me

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

Chorus:
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! This I know,
As He loved so long ago,
Taking children on His knee,
Saying, “Let them come to Me.”
Chorus

Jesus loves me still today,
Walking with me on my way,
Wanting as a friend to give
Light and love to all who live.
Chorus

Jesus loves me! He who died
Heaven’s gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.
Chorus

Jesus loves me! Loves me still
Tho' I'm very weak and ill;
That I might from sin be free
Bled and died upon the tree.
Chorus

Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way;
Thou hast bled and died for me,
I will henceforth live for Thee.
Chorus

The Second Miracle

We are going through John 6 in BSF and I wanted to share a few things I've been learning.

John 6:16-21
"Now when evening came, His disciples went down to the sea, and after getting into a boat, they started to cross the sea to Capernaum. It had already become dark, and Jesus had not yet come to them. The sea began to be stirred up because a strong wind was blowing. Then, when they had rowed about three or four miles, they saw Jesus walking on the sea and drawing near to the boat; and they were frightened. But He said to them, “It is I; do not be afraid.” So they were willing to receive Him into the boat, and immediately the boat was at the land to which they were going.

I had always been amazed at how the Lord Jesus walked on water, but never noticed this second miracle in this story. The sea of Galilee stretches somewhere between 6-10 miles based on the map below from Biblos. They had only rowed about 3 to 4 miles yet as soon as they let Jesus into the boat, the sea is calmed and they immediately reached Capernaum.

Before Jesus came, they were struggling on their own. He knew their struggles and came to them. They didn't recognize His presence in the situation. Jesus made Himself known and they welcomed Him into the boat. We need to welcome him into our boat or rather recognize His presence in each situation in our lives. He knows our troubles and wants to help us through them so we can be where He wants us to be.

Samuel's 3rd Birthday

I cannot express how much all of your comments meant to Seth and I. We were so moved by what an impact our son's short life had on so many of you. We so appreciate hearing your memories of the day Samuel went to be with the Lord and your encouraging words. We are so thankful to have so many friends and family that love us and pray for us.

We had a nice day remembering our little Samuel. I just took the day off from cleaning and cooking and spent a lot of time playing with Landon and telling him about his older brother. When Seth got off work we picked up 4 balloons (3 to release and 1 for Landon). Then we went out to the cemetery. We were so moved to see that an amazing friend had left some balloons for Samuel, one saying "Happy Birthday Samuel, Love, Sophie." I can't express how much this meant to us. Having read Brooke's comment earlier that day of how she "promises Sophie will always know who Samuel is" meant so much to us and she demonstrated one way she was going to do that today.



It was raining as it has been each year on his birthday. We decided to start a tradition of letting off as many balloons as how old he would be each year. It was sweet to watch those balloons go and think that our little boy has been enjoying heaven for three years. Landon chased them saying, "uh oh, balloon, uh oh!" It was nice to be there as a family and talk to the Lord about His goodness and faithfulness. We look forward to the day we can see our little Samuel again.