Samuel's 5th Birthday

We "celebrated" Samuel's birthday today, the fifth time we've done so without him. Even though it is so hard to not have him here, and the memories of those few days are still as vivid as the days themselves were... the Lord is so good through it all.

On Wednesday, my sweet friend, Anne, brought us a cake for Samuel's birthday. It was such a thoughtful gift that meant so much to us all... That cake was amazing by the way! I'm sure Samuel would have loved it with all the Oreo goodness crumbled over everything, I know we all did :)

Today, was a bitter-sweet day. The day, five years ago, when we held our sweet son while his little life slipped away. I never would have thought that there would be any "sweet" in this day, but there was...

Over lunch we sang happy birthday to Samuel and opened the present we had got "for Samuel." Landon really wanted to get him a James train. There are two reasons for this, because James is the #5 train and Samuel is turning 5; and Samuel's middle name is James. So, we picked one up the other day at Landon's favorite toy store and had it wrapped for today. It was bitter-sweet watching Landon open it and see his excitement over "Samuel's" toy.


My other dear friend, Brooke, offered to watch the kids for a little while today. One thing I had really been wanting to do was to write a song for Samuel. Our piano is not in working order, so I knew this probably wouldn't be possible. So, when Brooke offered, I took her up on it, and I went to our church to play. Music is therapy for me and it was so healing to play the piano that I have rarely played over the last couple of years. The Lord had been laying a few verses on my heart from 1 Thes. 4 and 5 and He gave me words from those verses to help me write a song. I never would have imagined to do this in the couple hours that I had, but the Lord loves to give us good gifts and that's what this was, directly from Him. He is so good. I love Him.

After this, I picked up the kids and Brooke gave me a package. I opened it later to find an incredible gift that I can't express how much meant to our family. She had written a children's book called, "Samuel Takes a Trip." It is about Samuel going to heaven from his perspective and it even has a page at the end explaining the gospel for anyone that wants to go to heaven, to be where Samuel is. Words just can't express how much this meant to us...


We picked up 6 balloons (5 to release and 1 for Landon) and then headed to the cemetery. We found five more balloons waiting there :) what a sweet surprise. Landon was happy to help release both sets. We brought the book and James. It was a bitter-sweet time. Remembering the cold day that we laid our sweet son to rest here five years ago, how could it be five years ago? Today wasn't cold though, it was perfect and the sun was setting, coloring the sky with all sorts of beautiful colors. We visited Samuel's aunt Beverly's resting place as well and wondered what they were both doing in heaven right now...


We left the cemetery and went to Steak N' Shake, our tradition that officially started last year :) It was really nice apart from Olivia being at a very difficult stage as far as not wanting to stay in one place. I saw a little boy who looked about 5 in the booth right across from us. He had brown hair and brown eyes and looked very similar to how I've always pictured Samuel. Another bitter-sweet moment.

That was that, another October 14th that has come and gone. To most, just an ordinary day, but to us it will never be just any day.

I wish, but I know...

I wish I could celebrate five years on earth with you today
I wish I could buy you your favorite toy
I wish I could watch you blow out your candles
I wish I could hug you and tell you, happy birthday, my sweet Samuel

But I know you don’t wish any of these things, because where you are, is so much better than here. There are no tears, there’s no death, and no pain where you are. There is only rejoicing and sweet fellowship with our Lord.

I wish I could know if your eyes were blue or brown
I wish I could have known if you would be shy or loud
I wish I could have taught you how to ride a bicycle
I wish daddy could have taught you how to shoot a basketball

But I know you don’t wish any of these things, because where you are, is so much better than here. Beautiful streets of gold, no need of light as the glory of God gives heaven its light and the Lamb of God is heaven’s lamp.

I wish you could know your brother and sister
I wish our family could all be together
I wish that this pain would all go away
I wish I could see you again one day

And I know that you know, one day these things will come to be, because we will all be where you already are. We will see our Lord face to face and the place He’s prepared. I can’t wait for that day. The day we will all be home where you already are.

Happy 5th Birthday Samuel!

Love, Mom

God's Sovereignty

I am studying Acts this year in my BSF class and it has been powerful. Last week we studied Stephen and there are a few things that have really struck me and I needed to process. Since I am a verbal processor, I am going to try to process this here :)

Stephen was a truly remarkable man, filled with the Holy Spirit and with wisdom. Chosen by God and the apostles to ensure the care of widows along with other necessary tasks.

He delivered an amazing message, before the Sanhedrin, from the time of God's promise to Abraham to God's deliverance of the children of Israel and to the rejection of Christ by the very men he was speaking to.

Then, this remarkable man, was stoned to death by men who falsely accused him. Stephen, even at the end was asking the Lord not to hold this sin against these men.

It seems that a man like this could be used greatly for several years beyond this to spread God's word and reach many people for Christ.

But he wasn't... He was killed. Yet, God is sovereign.

God knew that Stephen's testimony would leave an incredible impact on those who stoned him, on the believers (at that time and even now!), and on Saul (later to become Paul).

This passage brings me comfort as I remember and miss our sweet Samuel. Sometimes I wonder what his little life would have been like. What kind of man would he have become? What kind of impact who he have had on people? As I process this story of Stephen, it is a powerful reminder that God is sovereign and He can even use the most horrible events for His glory and to bring others to Christ.

One last thing I noticed through the horror of Stephen's death, was that God is gracious. God revealed Himself to Stephen before he died. As the stones were striking and bruising his flesh, he saw the glory of the Lord - "I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God!" (Acts 7:55) What a sight and a help to Stephen to endure the pain, gazing at the one whom he was suffering for.

Let us live out Hebrews 12:2 in our own lives:
"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God"

Olivia is One!

A little late on this... but keeping up with a three year old and a one year old is very busy and difficult to find the time to sit down and blog (as many of you know).



On August 12th, Olivia turned one year old. I can't believe how fast this year has gone! This little girl had two birthday parties. Her first one was a combined party with her cousin, Aubrey, who was born just nine days before her. She didn't really like her first taste of cake, but had so much fun with all her cousins on my side of the family.





Her second party was also a combined party with her cousin Finn, who was turning four years old!



Here is a poor attempt at a doggie cupcake, but she really liked it :) She is so into dogs right now, it is so fun to see how excited she gets when she sees or hears one.



She didn't really care for the cake the second time either...



But Finn (and the rest of us) sure did!



She prefers spaghetti... and she likes to pretty much cover herself in it :)



Here is something she is always doing. She says, "please, please, please" over and over and points at something, and we're trying to teach her to say it nicely:



She loves going outside. If one of us goes out, she darts for the door. Before we completely figured this out, we knocked her over a few times coming back inside, poor girl!



One of her favorite things to do right now is climb the slide and let herself go down backwards. She loves it and does it over and over again.



Some facts on Olivia at one year old:

Weight:18lb 6 oz
Height: 29.5"
Diapers: Size 3
Clothes: 12-18 months
Sleeping patterns: Usually two naps a day, and still sleeping all night.

- She loves any animals and practically jumps out of our arms when she sees a dog.

- She is still not walking, but will walk along the wall and push chairs around. She's just scared.

- Favorite foods: Rice, spaghetti, any pasta, bananas ("nanny" as she calls them), grapes, blueberries, oatmeal, and yogurt.'

- Favorite things: She loves her bear and calls it, "beh, beh." She also loves her doggies and her glow worm.

- She likes signing time and is starting to learn some signs (play, please, more, all done)

- She is talking up a storm saying: mommy, daddy, bubby, done, nanny, bumpa, poppy, mamaw, play, please, Sophie ("ophie"), mmm (after she eats/drinks something her likes), and puppets lots of words. It's so fun to see how excited she gets when she says something we ask her to.

- She loves the outdoors, she would stay out there all day if I let her.

- She loves music and hums when I sing to her :)

I love this girl and am so thankful for the year the Lord has allowed me to have with her and look forward to seeing her continue to grow and learn.