Landon is Three!

Landon is now three years old! These last three years have gone by so fast, and time seems to be speeding up! I am trying so hard to slow down and take in the sweet moments with my little Landon John before he grows up on me. I love that he still likes to snuggle and give me hugs and kisses. I love that he still likes me to help him with things and always wants me to play with him. I just love this sweet little blessing the Lord has lent to me.

Just how did he go from our sweet little baby...



To our adorable little one year old...



To our crazy two year old...



To our grown up little three year old? It seriously feels like yesterday in that delivery room laying eyes on our much anticipated, much prayed for little baby boy for the very first time. A moment I cannot put into words. Do you ever wish you could pause time or revisit a moment? That would be one of those moments. The day I finally got to hold and lay eyes on our sweet Landon. I'll never forget the way he looked deep into my eyes when he first heard my voice, like he already knew me, and he did of course, but it was truly amazing.



Now, this baby of ours is growing up and is all boy. Right now, this boy is still very into "Thomas" and any trains, so we had another train birthday party this year. He was very excited about his train cake...





He was so excited that his Nanny and Bumpa and uncle Josh came all the way from Iowa to come to his birthday party. We had such a nice time with them and were sad to see them go. He was so happy that Mamaw, Papa, Aunt April and cousins Layla, Finn, and Zoey could all come to his party as well. Landon was so excited about all his birthday presents. He received many trains including a Battery-powered James and a Spencer which he is very excited about, a Bullstrode the boat bath toy that pulls Thomas (so Thomas can be everywhere), a soccer ball, parachute guy, a take-n-go Thomas set (again so Thomas can go everywhere), and finally a train table complete with Tidmouth Shed. This boy is just a bit spoiled...



We are still working on the whole sharing thing. When other kids start to play with his trains, he usually starts grabbing any trains in reach and will hover over and hoard them. We are really working on this not being his first reaction... I pray this little boy of ours grows up to know the Lord and love Him with all his heart, soul, and mind.

Olivia at 9 Months

Olivia is now 9 months old! She is growing and changing so much.

Weight: 17lb 4oz (at the doctor's office, she had her third ear infection, poor girl)

Height: 29 inches

Diapers: Size 3

Clothes: Still 12 months

Sleeping patterns: Usually two naps a day, although she only took one today - hope that's not a new normal by any means!

- When she crawls, she likes to find any two little things, one for each hand, and crawl around with them. She will hold them forever, while she pulls up and does other things.

- She doesn't like baby food, I think it's a texture thing because she doesn't like applesauce by itself, but loves it on toast. Her appetite has really increased this month, I have been feeding her a lot more table foods and she loves about anything we are eating :) She got to try her first french fry the other day and really liked it.

- She got her first tooth finally a couple days after turning 9 months! I will be sad to see her gummy smile go. I'm guessing when I do her 10 month update she'll have all four front teeth - they are all just right there ready to pop out.

- She has said, "Ma ma" a few times. Every time she says it I'll grab my phone to record it and ask her to say, "Ma ma" then she'll say, "Da da" and smile - I think she has a sense of humor :)

- I love how she smiles with her eyes. She is always so happy and smiley.

- I love listening to her and Landon when I lay them down in the afternoon. She'll be talking and Landon will say something like, "say 'dada' " and she will say it, and then they both laugh. I just love seeing their bond develop.

- She was clapping at the Thunder game last Sunday, but won't do it again. I guess the excitement at the game was what she needed to get her to do it!

Mother's Day

I think Mother's Day will always be one of conflicted emotions for me. I celebrate both of my mothers. I am thankful that Seth and I both have such amazing mothers that have poured their love into us and sacrificed so much in the process of raising us, who continue to pour their love into us (I pray I can be a mother like this!). I celebrate the fact that I have two amazing children that bring me so much joy and fill me with a love that I can't explain.

...but no matter how much I celebrate these undeserved blessings, I also grieve. I grieve the one who first made me a mother, our little Samuel. How I wish he could be here to give me a card with his attempt at writing, "mom" with a little four year old's handwriting. How I wish I could hear his voice tell me, "I love you, mommy!" and oh how I wish I could feel his arms around me - the tight squeeze I know he would give me. How I wish he were here.

It's hard being a mother to a baby in heaven. It's hard to find a way to celebrate the fact that I am a mother to a baby that I only got to hold for a few hours. I wanted to be with ALL of my children on Mother's Day. So we did the closest thing we could, we visited the cemetery. We did this last year, and I think this is something I want to do every year on this day. We stood there staring at the sweet tomb stone, starting to fade on the edges, a reminder of the time that has passed without our little boy. Then, I once again noticed the engraving of Jesus holding a baby. A reminder I need every time I am here - he is with Jesus...

There were four other families there, in the "Angel Garden" while we were there. Some with children and some without. I grieved for each one. I grieved for the ones who weren't recognized as mothers on this day - who came here to be reminded of the fact that they are. I grieved for the ones who had children with them trying to maintain the memory of the short life lost and hoping that their children would not forget the brother or sister that was gone. I grieved for the ones that I know personally that were missing the children that they have lost.

Yes, Mother's Day will always be one of conflicted emotions, until the day that I see my Savior face to face. My Savior, who promises to wipe away every tear and who will lead me to the place of everlasting peace. The place where my Samuel lives. The place where there will be no more pain.