Samuel's 5th Birthday

We "celebrated" Samuel's birthday today, the fifth time we've done so without him. Even though it is so hard to not have him here, and the memories of those few days are still as vivid as the days themselves were... the Lord is so good through it all.

On Wednesday, my sweet friend, Anne, brought us a cake for Samuel's birthday. It was such a thoughtful gift that meant so much to us all... That cake was amazing by the way! I'm sure Samuel would have loved it with all the Oreo goodness crumbled over everything, I know we all did :)

Today, was a bitter-sweet day. The day, five years ago, when we held our sweet son while his little life slipped away. I never would have thought that there would be any "sweet" in this day, but there was...

Over lunch we sang happy birthday to Samuel and opened the present we had got "for Samuel." Landon really wanted to get him a James train. There are two reasons for this, because James is the #5 train and Samuel is turning 5; and Samuel's middle name is James. So, we picked one up the other day at Landon's favorite toy store and had it wrapped for today. It was bitter-sweet watching Landon open it and see his excitement over "Samuel's" toy.


My other dear friend, Brooke, offered to watch the kids for a little while today. One thing I had really been wanting to do was to write a song for Samuel. Our piano is not in working order, so I knew this probably wouldn't be possible. So, when Brooke offered, I took her up on it, and I went to our church to play. Music is therapy for me and it was so healing to play the piano that I have rarely played over the last couple of years. The Lord had been laying a few verses on my heart from 1 Thes. 4 and 5 and He gave me words from those verses to help me write a song. I never would have imagined to do this in the couple hours that I had, but the Lord loves to give us good gifts and that's what this was, directly from Him. He is so good. I love Him.

After this, I picked up the kids and Brooke gave me a package. I opened it later to find an incredible gift that I can't express how much meant to our family. She had written a children's book called, "Samuel Takes a Trip." It is about Samuel going to heaven from his perspective and it even has a page at the end explaining the gospel for anyone that wants to go to heaven, to be where Samuel is. Words just can't express how much this meant to us...


We picked up 6 balloons (5 to release and 1 for Landon) and then headed to the cemetery. We found five more balloons waiting there :) what a sweet surprise. Landon was happy to help release both sets. We brought the book and James. It was a bitter-sweet time. Remembering the cold day that we laid our sweet son to rest here five years ago, how could it be five years ago? Today wasn't cold though, it was perfect and the sun was setting, coloring the sky with all sorts of beautiful colors. We visited Samuel's aunt Beverly's resting place as well and wondered what they were both doing in heaven right now...


We left the cemetery and went to Steak N' Shake, our tradition that officially started last year :) It was really nice apart from Olivia being at a very difficult stage as far as not wanting to stay in one place. I saw a little boy who looked about 5 in the booth right across from us. He had brown hair and brown eyes and looked very similar to how I've always pictured Samuel. Another bitter-sweet moment.

That was that, another October 14th that has come and gone. To most, just an ordinary day, but to us it will never be just any day.